Crazy, Stupid, Love

I hated this movie.  If I were not planning to write a review, I probably would have walked out.  Maybe I should have, anyway.  I barely even know where to begin listing things that were offensive to me.

You're a terrible "friend."

The basic plot is what it appears to be from the previews; a married couple is getting divorced because the wife, (Emily/Julianne Moore), cheated, then poor pathetic ex-husband, (Cal/Steve Carell), gets styled and trained in the art of womanizing by a professional ladies man, (Jacob/Ryan Gosling), that he meets at a bar.  There actually isn’t anything more to the relationship between Jacob and Cal than that.  It’s very random and the script doesn’t provide enough motivation for them to suddenly be hanging out like besties for the rest of the movie.  Meanwhile Cal’s son is in the love with the babysitter, the babysitter is in love with Cal, and Jacob finds himself falling in love with the one and only chic that rejects him the entire movie, (Hannah/Emma Stone).

No doubt the people behind this product thought they were being terribly clever, showing all sorts of ways love can make you crazy and stupid.  Well, at least the got the stupid and crazy part right.  But lust was confused with love in many of the storylines, and the crazy/stupid spilled into the friendships and even parental relationships.

Because there is so much I hated about this movie, and I am already upset to have wasted the time just to watch it, I’m reducing this review to bullet lists.  Here are the negative messages:

• Masturbation is hilarious. right?  So much so, let’s keep referring to it!
• A “friend” tells Hannah her life is “so PG-13”, which is meant to be an insult.  Will somebody please explain to me why this makes sense?
• Divorce can be hilarious!
• Jacob is so charming because he’s so mean, I guess.  Isn’t is hilarious to watch him shred everything about Cal apart with criticism?  But he’s helping him learn to be “cooler”, so it makes him good, right?
• Clothing labels are important, even for guys.  Oh don’t worry about the cost, just raise the ol’ debt ceiling on the credit card!
• The “friend” ridicules Hannah’s boyfriend, and her response to Hannah’s confession that she thinks he might propose is basically “Ew!  You should sleep with the ladies man instead!”  What kind of “friendship” is this?!  This is not supportive, nor is it healthy.
• Jumping into bed with someone you don’t know is a great way to get over a relationship you’ve just exited.  Seriously, even if it’s only been 20 minutes.
• Classic literature is so stupid!  English class in general is stupid!  Mother dearest scoffs, to her son when she learns they are “still” required to read The Scarlet Letter, “You’d think somebody would have written something better by now.”
• Parental controls on the internet don’t really work, haha!  (helpful hint: it might not be the controls that aren’t effective if your reaction as a parent to your son telling you about what he googles is to laugh.)
• Cal says that the way Jacob is teaching him to manipulate women is “a big game, creepy creepy little game.”  Unfortunately this is a “light bulb moment” where he finally masters the craft and not a “light bulb moment” where he becomes disgusted with himself and what they are doing.
• Women are so stupid, to keep falling for these tricks to get them into bed!  Jacob and Cal actually have a conversation about this, about how stupid the girls they get are.  Maybe it is supposed to be contrasting these shallow pursuits with the women they actually love who have intelligent things to say, but it just serves to show how little respect they have for their conquests.  (Zero.  They have zero respect.)
• A teenage girl takes naked pictures of herself to send to her crush, at the terrible advice of a classmate.  This is a trend that is actually occurring in society right now, and kids are being arrested for transmitting these images, because it’s child porn!  Does this movie want to tackle asking what we can do to stop this or how parents should react if their child is in the middle of it?  Nope!  Hahaha, why would you want to actually talk to your children about anything?  If you find out about disturbing behavior on their part, wouldn’t you rather go yell at someone else and blame them then spend two minutes trying to understand what motivated your 17-year-old to think this was a good idea?  This was one of the most disturbing subplots for me, particularly the way it ultimately ended; that wasn’t funny, that was sick.

The only positive things about this movie are:

• Despite making light-hearted jokes about divorce in the beginning, the movie accurately portrayed what long-lasting emotional trauma there was for all involved.
• A certain turn of events would hopefully give audience members pause to reflect on the fact that each of these women that Jacob and Cal are cycling through like sticks of chewing gum are somebody’s daughter, and they deserve better.
• Cal has a couple of good lines, especially when he tells his estranged spouse, “I got lazy, I got boring, and I’m so mad at you for what you did but I’m mad at myself, too.  ‘Cuz I shoulda never have jumped out of that car, [which he did when she told him about her affair and asked for a divorce], I should have fought for you.”

Those messages are simply not enough to make the rest of the viewing worth it.  If movies are food, as the “Digest Movies” metaphor of this site suggests, then this one gave me a serious case of indigestion.  I would not recommend it to anyone.

The way you patronize everyone around you isn't funny.

The Fighter

This movie features an amazing, true-life story brought to life by incredible acting performances across the board.  Christian Bale and Melissa Leo won Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress at the Oscars for their respective portrayals as the main character’s brother and mom.  It was nominated for several other awards as well, including Best Picture, and it definitely deserves the recognition that it got.

This film is based on the true story of boxer Mickey Ward, who trains with his older half-brother, Dicky Ecklund, himself once the boxing “pride of Lowell”, and who is managed by his very headstrong, controlling and somewhat delusional mother.  He also has a total of seven sisters and half sisters running around, appearing to all live with his mother still, and generally getting involved in his and everybody else’s business.  (They take after their mother).  Mickey O’Keefe, Mickey Ward’s mentor in real life, plays himself in this film.

Mickey's sisters. Look, the one on the far right is played by Conan O'Brien's sister!

This movie emphasizes the importance of family, but it also shows how hard it can be to have to be pressing on, trying to achieve something without the support of your family, or in fact despite their efforts to be involved.  Ignoring concerns for his well-being, Mickey’s mother guilts him into agreeing to an unfair fight against a much bigger guy by saying, “Don’t forget, you don’t fight, nobody gets paid,” and she are her posse of daughters are incredibly threatened and almost territorial when outsiders try to offer real help.  Mickey loves and relies on his family, but he’s also damaged by them.

Mickey’s mother is a portrait of denial.  She refuses to believe that her precious Dicky does anything untoward, even though she consistently has to go drag him away from the crack house.  Dicky aides her in ignoring the truth, but ultimately I think she would just rather not deal with it.   When she reacts in shock to an HBO special on crack addition featuring her eldest, Mickey says, “I don’t know what to tell ya.  You pretend like you don’t know what’s going on, he’s been doin’ this for years!”  After a brawl that she incited breaks out, she acts bewildered, saying “what’s going on?”  Is she really that oblivious, or is this just how she copes?  It’s clearly not healthy.  She also displays an obvious favoritism towards her children, leading an exasperated and hurt Mickey to shout, at one point, “I thought you were my mother too!’  Heartbreaking.

Dicky, too, is in denial for much of the movie about his own life.  But he, unlike his mother, is forced to face reality. The confrontation on the porch between himself and Charlene, (Mickey’s girlfriend), is one of the best parts of the movie.  Charlene admits, “I’ve ruined a lotta opportunities, but I’m tryin’ to do somethin’ better now, and so is Micky.”  Dicky replies, “And so am I.”  THAT’S why this is a great movie, because it doesn’t hold back from showing what a terrible mess Dicky has made of his life, but it also doesn’t end that way, with him wallowing in a drugged-out oblivion.  Once he recognizes the extent to which he’s messed everything up, he really tries hard to change and make amends.

As Christians, we are told:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.  –Ephesians 5:3-4

Those are very high standards, (not even a hint of wrongdoing!), and for most of us it is probably a constant struggle just like an addict has a constant, daily battle to not return to their old ways.  And maybe sometimes we fall spectacularly short from that goal, and are even in denial about it, reminding ourselves and others that we’re somehow better than everyone else.  But, once the truth becomes clear, the course of action does, too.  We shouldn’t hesitate to correct our behavior when we realize we are wrong, even if coming back from all of our mistakes seems like an insurmountable task.  Take inspiration from Dicky Eklund.

"This is your time, Mickey!'

Mickey’s character and his struggles are plenty inspiring too, of course.  Look at all the crap with his family he has to work through, on top of the challenge of staying in prime boxing shape and winning fights.  It would be so easy for him to become bitter, give up, or remain cut off from his dysfunctional family.  But he doesn’t.

This is a fantastic movie all-around.  The R rating is because of the language, drug use, and violence.  It all fits with the story, and I don’t think any of the negative content is glorified.  I absolutely recommend it.

Trailer Tuesday 7.26.11

I’m trying out a new idea, to regularly post trailers for the movies coming out this week or being hyped lately.  It’s a way to acknowledge the movies I don’t really want to see, or squeal with excitement over the ones that are still months away.

This week Cowboys and Aliens comes out, and I know I posted a link to it already but I think it looks awesome enough to be re-posted here.  Some people are saying it’s going to flop, but I am really hoping they are wrong.  I will be so sad if I have to give this a negative review.  The first TV spots for it aired during the Super Bowl this year, so somebody believed it was worth that advertising investment at least.

Also coming out this week are Crazy, Stupid, Love and The Smurfs.  I have no desire to see the Smurfs movie.  I never watched the cartoon, and the movie just looks…tedious.  I’m a little more interested in Crazy, Stupid, Love, but I’m not sure whether I’m going to like it or not.  It looks like it could go either way for me.  Click here to see the trailer for Crazy Stupid Love or here to see The Smurfs, if you’re interested.

One of the films that had a panel at the San Diego Comic Con this week was The Adventures of Tin Tin.  This is a Spielberg project that Peter Jackson has also been working on, so, a lot of big names with automatic hype.  The Tin Tin stories are Belgian comic books that are very popular in Europe.  I remember reading about Tin Tin a few years ago as one of the possible replacements for the Harry Potter franchise that studious were looking to invest in.  We’ll see if it catches on in America.  I have no idea what the story is actually about.  I guess we’ll find out in December.  What do you think?

Captain America: The First Avenger

“Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American way?  Who vows to fight like a man to defend what is right night and day? Carry the flag shore to shore for America, from Hoboken to Spokane?  The Star Spangled Man with a plan!”

The lines above are from a song featured in the film.

It’s Captain America!

This film. Was. So! Amazing!  Excellent storytelling!  I had a goofy grin on my face almost the whole time with sheer delight at how good it was.  It had a great cast, plot symmetry and character parallels, unexpected twists, an overly ambitious villain, (“his target is…everywhere!”), and an admirable hero!  Plus it was chock-full of fantastic dialogue.  I gave up trying to write down all the great lines, this is one I’m going to have to go see again, and it will definitely be joining my personal collection when it comes out on DVD.

This is a Marvel comic movie.  Marvel is doing a fantastic job handling their properties, tying them all together and making me eager to see more.  It really feels like you are watching a comic book universe come to life.  Did you see Iron Man and Iron Man II?  Did you see Thor?  And the tags at the end of them all?  If so, you’ll have an extra level of appreciation for Captain America, but you can totally enjoy and follow it even if you haven’t.

The good guy (Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, played by Chris Evans) is really good.  The bad guy (Schmidt, aka Red Skull, played by Hugo Weaving) is really bad.  And just like in X-Men:First Class, their character and choices define them, not their superpowers.  Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci) describes his transforming serum by saying, “[it] amplifies everything inside, so good becomes great, bad becomes worse.”  It’s why the pathetically weak and tiny Steve Rogers is chosen for the experimental procedure in the first place, and the Dr. asks him to promise that he will “stay who you are.  Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”

Boy, is he good.  Chasing bad guys, saving innocents, respecting women, braving the odds, serving his country, and literally incapable of getting drunk.  Even though he’s beefed up for most of the movie, what I really loved about our hero was how heroically he acted before he got his strength.  How he would stand up against “bullies” even when he didn’t actually stand a chance, because it was the right thing to do.  He was principled.  It reminded me of 1 Timothy 4:12, which says,

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

"Put a needle in that kid's arm, it's gonna go right through him."

It’s not exactly the same, but the idea that you can still set an example and make a difference even if people perceive you as too weak, small or young is inspiring and powerful.  And it’s reinforced by the fact that the other guys on Captain America’s team prove themselves to be just as heroic, effectively contributing to their missions even though they aren’t “super soldiers.”

Then of course there’s the whole good-versus-evil theme.  It’s very clear cut, very black and white.  It is interesting, however, to note the 40s-era propaganda style featured throughout the film.  (I spent some time on my other blog deciphering the lyrics to the USO song featured in the film, and they are very…propaganda-y.)  It seems so obviously manipulative, and it makes me want to re-evaluate the things I’ve seen lately.  Do I recognize modern propaganda every time I see it?

Oh man, this move was so good.  And yes, you do have to sit through all the credits to get to the tag scene, but the music while you wait is terrific.  And you will be rewarded with a glimpse at Captain America, the first Avenger’s fellow assembly members.  Summer 2012!

"I don't want to kill anyone. I just don't like bullies, no matter where they come from."

Horrible Bosses

I have to be honest–I thought this movie was hilarious.  I predict that quotes from it are going to become standard fare in some circles.  Yes, it’s definitely rated R, but they mostly steer towards really awful gags only to veer away at the last second.  There were a couple of parts, though, that made me very uncomfortable, and obviously, obviously, you shouldn’t kill or try to kill your boss, not matter how horrible they are.   (Do I really have to spell that out?)

If you couldn’t tell from the posters or previews, this comedy is based around three friends that are so frustrated with their horrible bosses they decide to kill them.  These bosses aren’t just Michael Scott bumbling idiot bad, they’re, like, morally bankrupt bad.  (That’s probably so we don’t have any pesky ethical reservations or sympathy getting in the way of our laughter.)  In a way their eventual downfalls do feel like justice, but again, you shouldn’t really try to kill your boss!

There were a lot of avenues the guys could have pursued instead, if they really thought their bosses were so bad.  Quit. Try to find a different job.  Put in the hard work to start your own business enterprise if you can’t find a job.  Maybe go to the board or the investors or the police or whoever and tattle on your horrible boss in the hopes he’ll be reprimanded or removed–I mean that’s no less risky than facing life in prison if you’re convicted for murder.

And while there may be times when a work situation is so toxic it’s untenable, and I do think workers deserve to be treated fairly and adequately reimbursed for their labors, Christians have been instructed “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,” (Colossians 3:23).  Your earthly boss isn’t the only one you’re working for–so what if he or she doesn’t appreciate you, are you still turning in a performance and displaying behavior that God would be proud of?  Maybe you didn’t get the promotion you thought you deserved, but when you die you’re going to get a “promotion” you definitely don’t deserve, so…tough it out.  Find joy in something else.  Like I said, of course there are times when it’s not worth it, but killing your boss is, I’m pretty sure, never the Christian thing to do.  I mean, there’s no “thou shalt not kill thy boss,” but, you know, there’s regular “thou shalt not kill.”

These guys don’t claim to be Christians, of course, and they are drunk when they first discuss their idea.  Jason Bateman’s character is even careful to point out, “We were just blowing off steam, none of us are actually gonna kill our bosses!”  And when things do get more “serious,” they prove to be pretty ineffectual murderers.  They turn to tools like NavGuide and Craigslist for help, and they can’t even coordinate pulling out of a parking lot smoothly.

The part that made me the most uncomfortable was Dale’s (Charlie Day) situation.  His boss (Jennifer Aniston) is sexually harassing him.  I mean really.  Not just inappropriate comments.  The same thing in reverse, (a male boss with a female subordinate), would be unthinkable in a comedy.  Because it’s not at all funny.  Why is it supposed to be funny this way?  It’s really not.  Dale’s mistreatment is worse than the other guys’, and he was my favorite, too, because he was the worst at being a would-be killer (and the best at being a decent human with a conscious).  I felt like his boss’s downfall was the least just, too.  In my mind her behavior was the worst and  **SPOILER ALERT** she suffered no physical or legal consequences, not even public humiliation.  And why would he want to keep working there, even if the behavior stopped?  It’s not like they can ever possibly have a good working relationship.  **END SPOILER**

The ultimate message of this movie: Blackmail is a great way to get what you want.  Just make sure you get a recording.  Not Biblical, not a good idea in real life.  But if you are okay with f-bombs and innuendos, this is not a horrible movie.

I love all three of these actors.

Larry Crowne

Larry Crowne is a great guy.  The title character, played by Tom Hanks, is dedicated to doing his job well, even when the task at hand is stocking shelves or cleaning a child’s vomit.  He’s nice.  But he doesn’t have a college degree, and it makes him the first to go when it comes to downsizing.  So he enrolls in a local community college, to make give himself the credentials he needs.

This is not a terribly exciting story.  In fact, the slow pacing at times makes it feel a bit like you’re sitting in a college lecture class instead of a theater.  Most of the attempts at humor seem cliche, (although I may have felt that way because I had seen all the jokes already in the previews for this film,) and many of the supporting characters are flat and uninspired.  Or downright cheesy.  (I’m looking at you, scooter gang.)

Regardless, Larry Crowne has some really great messages.  Larry really applies himself to his studies, and he applies his studies to his life.  He is a great example of why (and how) education can be so beneficial and worthwhile, if you are not just going through the motions to get a piece of paper at the end but are really trying to learn and improve yourself or your station. By contrast, another character, (Talia), is an example of why college isn’t necessarily for everyone, and isn’t the only path to a successful career.  Both positive, not anti-Biblical messages.

Larry’s teacher Mercedes Tainot is played by Julia Roberts.  Her husband works from home and regularly looks at porn while he is “working.”  Often our culture says that this type of behavior is ‘normal’ or even ‘healthy,’ and this character even tries to defend himself by saying, “I’m just a guy who’s being a guy when you’re not around!”  But this film dramatically portrays how toxic such behavior can be.  It is a major source of conflict in their relationship, and as she states, “You think I don’t know, but I do, and I don’t like it!”  (Mercedes has her own vices, though, justifiably earning the nickname “Boozeilla”.)

Larry and the married Mercedes share an inappropriate kiss, but it is followed by willful restraint against proceeding down that path.  Larry says, “Ms. Tainot, it is now time for us to do the right thing,” as he escorts her inside and locks himself out of her house, throwing her spare key through the mail door to remove temptation.  I thought that was a pretty excellent example of choosing to do the right thing.  You just do it, and do it thoroughly.  Later, Mercedes apologizes for the incident, accurately assessing, “I was worked up and under the influence of the demon rum.”

This is a mostly positive film with truthful messages.  It won’t be joining my personal collection only because it wasn’t funny or charming or moving enough to make me want to watch it multiple times, but it is worth seeing once.

Larry is a little more mature than many of his new classmates.

Digest Movies: Apologies

I posted a week ago, saying “coming this week!” and haven’t posted since.  The week before that I said “I plan to write at least three reviews a week!”  Obviously that hasn’t been happening, either.  I apologize to my readers for my inconsistency, but since this blog is a hobby and not an actual responsibility or source of income it will sometimes lose priority to other things in my life.  Things like working, and trying to find a permanent job, and maintaining a household, or baking cauldron cakes and watching all 7 previous Harry Potter movies to prepare for the last one, or sleeping because I got home from the theater at 4:00 AM.  (You can see why this particular week was a little full).

I would like to keep my goal at posting two to three reviews a week, but it is a goal and not a promise.  I still intend to post the reviews I mentioned last week, (some of which are half-written drafts on my computer right now), for Larry Crowne, Project Nim, and Horrible Bosses. Other movies coming up will be Winnie the Pooh, A World Without Thieves, and Dan in Real Life (by request).

I will also be reviewing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2, which I saw at the midnight showing, but I would like to see it again before I review it.  I did not even try to take notes and I could not actually hear many of the lines over the reactions of the (wonderful, enthusiastic, fellow die-hard fanatics) crowd.  And yes, I did dress up–I wore an authentic Ravenclaw replica robe.  Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure!

See Review you soon,

-pagelady

*update* I’ve decided not to review Project Nim, and my official excuse is because it is a documentary.  Happy to discuss it with anybody who is interested, though!  It was fascinating.

Trailer Roundup 7/11/2011

I’ve been a little busy lately and haven’t had time to get reviews up yet  of all the shows I watched this weekend.  Here are some of the trailers I was most interested in, out of the sixteen total that played before my feature presentations.  Look for these reviews to be posted over the next week: Larry Crowne, Horrible Bosses, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2.  (I’m going to see that last one at midnight on Thursday.)

Puss in Boots:  I guess this is a Shrek spin-off prequel, because it takes place before Puss joins the lovable ogre and his gang in Shrek 2.  I’m curious to see if a comic-relief character can really anchor an entire film, but it looks promising. It looks a million times more promising than the Smurfs movie or Spy Kids 4, at least.

Warrior: This is one of those inspiring underdog films, where I can already tell I’ll need to bring a tissue to wipe away tears by the end.  But which brother will I be rooting for?  I’ll have to get the full exposition before I decide, but it looks like the story is centered more around the guy played by Tom Hardy.  (He was in Inception, and he’ll be in the next installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises.)

 

One Day:  Okay, so this isn’t really one I’m “excited” for, more curious to see how they adapt the book, which is, (as the title might suggest), told in the context of one day over several years.  So chapter one is Juy 15, 1980-something, and the next chapter is July 15, 1980-something plus one.  It was an interesting concept, but I didn’t care for the book.  I’m hoping this might be one of those times where the movie is better.

Our Idiot Brother: This looks like one of my favorite types of movies, featuring a dysfunctional yet loving family.  The preview focuses on the comedy, but I’ll bet there will be some serious themes, too. Plus it’s got a good cast.

Captain America: This one didn’t really play before my shows this weekend, but I haven’t posted it yet and it’s one of the films I am most looking forward to for the rest of the summer, besides Harry Potter and Cowboys and Aliens.  I have only heard good things.

Cars 2

The best part, by far, was the Toy Story short at the beginning.  I feel a little bad saying that I hated this movie, because I know it’s a very popular franchise, aimed at kids, with some sort of positive moral.  I want to support Hollywood’s efforts to continue producing family-friendly fare.  But I don’t think that has to be done at the expense of good storytelling.  Pixar movies are usually all-around high quality, but this time it feels like they should have taken the script in for a tune-up or two before racing into theaters.

The original Cars movie worked a little better as a car-populated universe because they were confined to normal car settings; racetracks, highways, gas stations, car shops.  The second movie gets global and introduces a series of spy cars, equipped with all sorts of gadgets to help conduct their spy business.  It just feels a little ridiculous.  I mean, James Bond has an awesome car.  But he doesn’t drive it all the time.  It’s not very intuitive to lower a vehicle on four cables into a warehouse to spy on the cars below, and then have to drive yourself back across the cables, or drive up a wall with magnetic wheels, or drive it over roofs.  I’m sure kids won’t be bothered by it, and it’s probably not any more unrealistic than a talking car to begin with, but to me it felt like the story was stretching too far beyond the natural boundaries of such a universe.  I rolled my eyes so much I was nearly dizzy.

Much of the eye-rolling came courtesy of one Tow Mater, who is certainly the central figure of this sequel.  If your kid is a Lightning McQueen fan, they may be disappointed by how little screen time he gets.  Mater demonstrates what a well-meaning idiot he is over and over and over again.  McQueen starts out being embarrassed by him, but brings him along on his overseas tour, where he is really embarrassed, then Mater messes up McQueen’s race.  Next, Mater gets caught up with the spies and is bumbling his way across Europe.  Then he finds out everyone sees him as an idiot, and has flashbacks to all the bumbling idiot episodes in case we forgot what we just saw not forty five minutes ago.  We get it!  He’s an idiot.  Personally, I don’t find ignorance that hilarious.

A lot of the dialogue feels very poorly set up.  It’s like one person wrote the important speeches, when characters fight or little lessons are preached, and somebody else took their work and said, okay, let’s stick that one there, and this one here.  They don’t flow well.

The primary theme is about friendship, (although I think really the primary theme was about having a Cars sequel.)  After disowning his friend, McQueen receives the following advice from some Italian cars:

“It’s okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, but you’d better make up fast.  No fight is more important than friendship…He who find a friend, find a treasure.”

That’s a pretty simplistic statement, that no fight is more important than friendship, but it is a good message for children.  The Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26), it says to settle disputes quickly and as a priority over offering sacrifices (Matthew 5:23-26).  It says that we should live peacefully with everyone, if possible (Romans 12:18).  But it’s not always possible.  And sometimes maintaining our convictions, or refusing to compromise God’s mandates, might be more important than staying “friends” with somebody.  Jesus promised that if we live as he has shown us, we’ll have some haters, (John 15:18-25).  That’s pretty complicated, and doesn’t fit into a nice kid-friendly platitude.  The Cars 2 message isn’t bad, it just isn’t a good substitute for Sunday School.

The secondary message to this movie is, Big Oil is bad, alternative fuels are the obvious solution, and cars with inefficient gas mileage and unreliable parts are “losers.”  That last part, in a human-populated world, might be just a statement about energy efficiency, but remember, in this universe, the cars are people.  So it is essentially saying, if you came with faulty parts, you’re a loser.  Haha, why didn’t you pick a better factory to be manufactured in, loser! (Or are the cars “born”?  It isn’t really explained).  They’re the bad guys, so it’s easy to write them off, but this subtle message is not a healthy one.  It encourages mocking the misfortune of others, and doesn’t suggest that people can change and improve themselves.  One character haughtily states, “Once Big Oil, always Big Oil,” justifying a mistrust in a car that had purportedly switched to green fuel.  Good grief, even Twilight features vampires that strive against their human-eating nature to better themselves.  Come on, Cars 2, you’re getting morally out-done by a hormonal teen romance franchise!

Verdict: It’s fine.  Not great, not terrible.  The man sitting behind me guffawed loudly every ninety seconds or so, so apparently some adults will thoroughly enjoy it.  But not me.  If I had kids, I would rather wait for this to come out on DVD and let them watch it while I get other things done, because it was so tedious for me to sit through in the theater.  I might issue this film a citation for driving below the minimum speed entertainment limit.

My favorite part: the Queen Elizabeth and Prince William cars.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Well, it was pretty much what i expected.  The highest compliment I can give this movie is to say that it isn’t terrible.  It’s mindless summer entertainment, built around explosions and cool mid-air CGI transformations, (some of them inserted into recycled footage), rather than any sort of plot or character development.  You could totally go to the bathroom at any point during this movie and not miss anything important. My husband remarked that a lot of the dialogue sounded like video game blurbs; somewhat random, generic “let’s go fight!” or “here’s what we need to do next” instructions.  (To see my raw notes, including a lot of bad lines, click here.)

Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is a whiny college grad looking for a job.  Maybe some of us can relate to the job-hunting part.  And maybe some of us were incredibly irritated at having to watch him complain for the first twenty minutes about how he doesn’t have an awesome job or car, being jealous and angry with his girlfriend (I’m just going to go ahead and refer to her as Sex Symbol, which is an accurate description of her role), and not appreciating that she is supportive.  He feels like he deserves so much more than he has. He keeps trying to remind people that he’s a hero, and he has a presidential medal to prove it.

He’s ungrateful and unwilling to humble himself.  And even though he ends up taking a less-than-desirable job for about a day, he doesn’t ever exemplify the Biblical work ethic, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,” (Colossians 3:23).  He could also stand to take a lesson from a true hero that will be exemplified on the big screen in a week, when Deathly Hallows comes out.  If you’ve read the books, you know who I’m talking about.  A hero that is never thanked or praised, and who remains silently steadfast anyway.  (I can’t wait!)

Anyway, this movie has really, really, bad writing.  That makes it harder to analyze, because it doesn’t really have much of a purposeful message or any consistency.  It doesn’t even stick with the themes it brings up at the beginning; many of them aren’t resolved.  Does Sam end up getting the recognition and job he feels like he deserves, or does he learn to accept his position and stop being so annoying?  I couldn’t tell you.  But that isn’t the only thing that’s unclear at the end.  **SPOILER ALERT**  So when their planet goes away, do the Decepticons just give up, or die?  It appears to be resolved, but is it? How? I thought they still outnumbered the Autobots, because they beamed a whole bunch of them in, and if the destruction of the home planet destroyed them why don’t the Autobots also die?  Whatever. Explosions! Something vague about America and freedom! **END SPOILER**

I would say the worst thing about this movie message-wise is the sexism. The camera consistently ogles Sex Symbol, (it doesn’t even pan up to her face until she’s been onscreen almost a full minute, lingering instead on her pantless legs and backside.)  She’s perpetually dressed in tiny tight clothing and heels, while Power Woman (head of National Security, I think) is an ice queen who hates to be addressed respectfully as ma’am, (because, like, how can a woman be in such a powerful position if she’s actually, you know, womanly?)  Also, Sam’s mom is a complete idiot.  So there are your choices for female representation in this film.  Thank you, director Michael Bay.  To be fair, a lot of the male characters are also flat and stereotypical. I mean, I didn’t even like Sam!  He’s just whiny and arrogant.  This is a terrible movie character-wise in general!  My husband said, “Well, it’s about the Transformers, primarily. The people are just to set the story up,” but I didn’t feel like Optimus, Sentinel or Megatron were fleshed out (haha) any better than their human counterparts.  Their relationships are told through dialogue rather than shown.

I guess Optimus is kind of a good role model, because he is committed to defending the humans and their planet when he doesn’t have to be, just because his mentor “taught me that all creatures deserve to be free,” but I didn’t find him compelling.  His motivation isn’t really clear, he doesn’t get any character development, he’s just the good guy so he does expected good guy things. **SPOILER ALERT** Except for the part where he just flat-out kills Sentinel, his supposed mentor and beloved long-lost leader, who admittedly turned bad but is now literally begging “Optimus, no!”  I think, again, it’s just poor writing.  It’s easier to kill him and end the scene than introduce complexity, compassion, a discussion about how he could be rehabilitated or what a just punishment should be.  I guess he did betray the Autobots, but still…it seemed like a cruel moment for Optimus.  **END SPOILER**

So, to sum up, this movie is about entertainment, and not story.  Oh, I almost forgot; it’s also about revisionist history lessons, and Transformer-related conspiracy theories regarding the Apollo 11 moon mission and the Chernobyl disaster.  Real-life astronaut Buzz Aldrin makes an appearance as himself, so apparently he is not as offended by this fictionalized version of history as the ones who say he never went to the moon.  (He once punched a guy for saying that).

I can’t even think of a clever line to end this with.  That’s how little content is actually in this movie.

Does anybody see a decent script lying around? Anyone?